September 9th. How to forget it? After years of trying naturally, and trying everything I could, I realized, or They made me realize that maybe it was time to try IVF.
It was the last thing I wanted. But sometimes we are asked (from beyond) to do things we don’t want. It’s part of a journey. Sometimes the call is beyond us, because it’s meant also for others. I couldn’t have grasped that at that moment.
We’ve decided we’ll try. I couldn’t even think I’ll be able to try more than once. I got to the point where I thought it was a try, if this didn’t happen I wouldn’t want to regret years later that I missed my chance for being stubborn.
With total faith, and in the most courageous act of surrendering I put the check in the mail. We got the meds, after pulling 5 credit cards to split the costs. The lady on the phone was so patient and compassionate, “this might be the reality for so many people” I thought. When 3 boxes arrived at our door I felt so scared. Eventually I found courage. I got the injections, I went to the appointments and had ultrasounds and blood work daily. My husband got me the trigger shot on the bull eye that the nurse had drawn on my butt, at the exact time indicated on the protocol. Those days I spent most of my time on what I call “the tunnel’, a meditative state (a.k.a. worry-free zone) that I managed to create with affirmations, gratitude and blessings to every single pregnant woman that crossed my path. To honor my helpers I have to add a good part of the time in the tunnel was under hypnosis.
Then the day came. We traveled the previous evening and slept in a hotel to get the eggs retrieved and create the embryos on the morning of September 9th.
So many things have happened since then. So many emotions. So many stories. So many golden nuggets to share. But that for later.
Out of 5 eggs retrieved, two embryos made it to day 3. Nothing to freeze. On the day of the transfer I prayed for a miracle.
The Wise Old Soul was born in June next year. For the first few months my life was basically secluded to a chair nursing and holding a sleeping baby (and changing diapers too. What they say about eat-sleep- poop is real!). I remember for those first three months I was in such awe… I couldn’t stop repeating “Anything is possible!”, in total awe, at times disbelief… “Somebody tell me this is real” kind of thought.
Now of course, my journey didn’t start on September 9th, it had started much earlier.
After my baby was born I was so in shock with everything that had happened that while listening to a Summit talk I realized I had to dig more. I began to work with a spiritual mentor who helped me to understand the depth and beauty of my journey, that helped me understand beyond this realm the need and impact of my own journey. Everything that had happened before had been a preparation, all the work that I’ve done prior to the IVF had been part of the spiritual journey in preparation for motherhood. I understood They were guiding me. I remembered my former coach words “Everything experience, everything is a gift. One day you’ll be able to make sense of it, and use it to serve, to help others”.
And I realized
Motherhood is a spiritual journey. For some of us it begins before we conceive.
Two years later another Wise Old Soul joined us. Today, 3 years later, 1 IVF and 2 healthy pregnancies and babies I remember that September 9th as an Initiation. The Initiation of Motherhood.
I know this story is not only my story. It is the story of all. We are faced with a calling and a journey. There are Journeys of all kind. Wherever you are in your journey, whichever is your journey, trust the process. Sometimes in the moment we don’t understand, we resist, we hope we can escape or avoid. But sometimes the call is louder and we must follow it. Trust each step. Seek help when you need it. Create a network of support. Listen to your guides. Call in your sacred healers, those who will catalyze your own healing.
You are a creative vessel bestowed with infinite potential. Don’t let anything kink the flow.